A relationship consists of two people. If you think you’re going to get into a relationship without sacrificing any aspect of yourself, you’re badly mistaken. Someone left you broken and you need to mend yourself and reclaim your independence. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to find yourself, it may even be one of the greatest learning experiences of your life. Finding a relationship is a lot like finding a job in this aspect because you have to go out, build a network, plant seeds, and follow up.

1. You keep comparing the next to your ex, You may swear that you did but remember, now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself. Have you been trying to contact them? Are you stalking them on social media? Are you still holding on to the gifts they gave you in hopes that one day they’ll come back? Believe it or not, it’s obvious when you’re not over your ex, especially to the people you’ve gone on dates with or tried to get dates with. It is subconsciously revealed through your speech, actions, and body language.

The problem with most is that you don’t want to be taken advantage of. And because of this view, looking through what I call a tainted Love Lens, you choose to consistently compare your date to your ex. And when you see a slight sign of similarity, you run.

2. Your self esteem is too high, You regard yourself way too highly to the point that you don’t think anyone is good enough to be with you. I’m pretty sure no one will admit to this and a lot of people may even carry this trait without realizing it. So here are some questions you can ask yourself to find out if this is the issue, and remember, we’re being brutally honest with ourselves. Do you think your purpose in life is above other peoples? Are you convinced that your path in life is absolutely the correct path? Do you quickly assume that others are not doing as well as you are in life? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, then maybe you’re single because you have an inflated sense of self. You’re way too judgemental and you write people off so quickly that your demographic of potential partners makes it statistically unlikely for you to find a relationship.

3. Your Rule making As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned “down on paper,” but what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships. A woman I know once dated someone with whom she had amazing chemistry. When it didn’t work out, she decided to stop looking for a guy she felt a strong connection with or attraction to. Instead, she made “reasonable” choices, and as a result, she found far less satisfying relationships. It’s important not to make fixed rules or to buy into other people’s rules when it comes to dating.

Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with. Relationship rules tend to go hand-in-hand with game-playing. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel. On the other hand, staying open and honest will lead us to find a much more authentic and substantial relationship.

4. You have unrealistic standards. You want a handsome, dashing man to sweep you off your feet. Wait. You forgot to include tall, buff, kind, sensitive, gentle, loving, smart, educated, successful and rich. Yes, you want it all. While science is able to explain your preference for the ideal man, he will never likely materialize. That man only exists in the romance novels that made you cry, every time, for the tenth time.

5. You’re materialistic You repel potential love interests because you believe it’s your celestial right to have the finer things in life. Asking to be bought expensive bags, fancy dinners and all that bling makes you a “financial liability”.

6. Your self esteem is low You think no guys will ever like you. You bristle at the idea of putting up a dating profile because you probably wouldn’t get responses anyway. Is this your attitude? Girl, you’re amazing, so quit thinking otherwise. There’s someone for everyone, even you. Work on yourself before you try to date. The happier you are with yourself, the happier you’ll be in a relationship.

7. You’re afraid you’ll get hurt You’ve had your heart broken in the past. You’re afraid it will happen again. But here’s the thing: While there’s always a chance you’ll get hurt, if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never be open to the good stuff either.

8. You’re not changing up your tactics Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. If you spend your weekends at the bar and only end up meeting skeevy douches, best hang up that spangled club dress and try something new. You only hang out with your married friends. If you really want a relationship, put yourself where the guys are.

9. You enjoy your single life Maybe you are not aware of it, but deep down, you love your single life. Of course, sometimes you miss having someone special in it, but you know that having a relationship would change your current life setting in one way or another, and you enjoy it too much to let it happen. Your life is simply perfect as it is..

10. You don’t want to settle You know that there is plenty time for you to find your Mr. Perfect. You know exactly what you are looking for in a man, and you don’t even think of settling for anything less. You are not looking for someone perfect on paper, you are looking for someone who will be perfect for you. But you don’t plan on being with someone just so you won’t be alone or just because society tells you it’s time to settle. Until you finally meet the right guy, you don’t have a problem with being single.